Pretending We Don’t Hurt


We hurt. We suffer. We wrong our loved ones and they do wrong by us. Reaching desperately for an answer will not help us. Pretending we’re not hurt doesn’t help either. When we’re wounded, the wound needs rest in order to heal – so it is with our souls. If we poke at our hurt, pick at the sore, rub it in the dirt of others’ opinions, we do not allow it time to heal.

If you’ve been hurt, accept that. Feel the hurt. Be aware of it. Let it heal. Maybe it would be better if you didn’t talk to that person for a while. Maybe you need to let go of the relationship. Maybe you just need some quiet time. Whatever the answer is, find a safe place and allow yourself to heal.

If you’re feeling pain, be aware of it. Feel the pain, and then quit picking at the wound. Lie low. Quit fighting. Relax. Give your wounds time and enough rest to heal.

God, help me relax enough to stop, calm down, and heal.

“Pretending we’re not hurt doesn’t help either.”

Stopping, calming and resting were never part of my existence, pre- and post-recovery.  Pre-recovery I was all about “work-hard play-hard” (and ironically rest hard on the couch all day Sunday).  I didn’t realize how much I was hurting myself, but it was clear how much rest I needed after a hard week of work and weekend of play.  I think as a boy growing up the last thing I ever wanted to do was admit I got hurt or was in pain.  It started with “big boys don’t cry” and became “real men don’t get hurt”.  Even today in recovery it has taken me a while to realize that the ‘normal’ human life I am living causes me pain and hurt sometimes.  I am finally realizing that I do need a day of rest each week.

The past 2 summers I was obsessed with getting the most of the short season we have here in Canada, packing so much into the 16 hours of day light – golfing one day on the weekend and boating the next.  In September, when it was all over, I became very sick.  Clearly, avoiding rest on daily and weekly bases finally caught up with me after a few months of “living life to the fullest”.

This year, I am happy to say I finally managed to maintain a balance of living life and resting.  I made a conscious effort to rest one day a week.  This was difficult because every fibre of my being said I ‘should’ be doing something, but I know this is the best thing for my health and well-being.

Lots of love,

Cory

Cory Hetherington
Cory Hetherington

Guest Contributor, P.Eng, MBA Foundation for Addiction and Mental Health (FAMH)